I sent regrets back to the U.S. for three different weddings this week. Sometimes it really gets to me how much I've missed/am going to miss in just one year. Although if you were to carve any year out of your life, you'd be surprised how much goes on. It seems like day-to-day nothing really changes or happens, but dang man. Life never stops. It's hard not to be there with people and for people as everyone seems to be moving on and moving away. I miss home, but I know that when I go back it's not gonna be the home that I remember. My parents will still be there, but just about everyone else I'm close to has either graduated, moved away, gotten married, or just isn't around. Maybe it'll slap me in the face when I get back that what I'm missing isn't there anymore. My brain knows it isn't there now, but some part of me feels like it is and longs to be back in the magical land of hugs that is Malone. Hugs, dude. Hugs. I miss them. My hugs are so much more limited here. Some of my students have learned to hug me (from weeks of warming them up to the idea), but for the most part it doesn't happen. It's considered a very intimate thing that only really happens with family, boyfriends/girlfriends, and maybe close friends. There's definitely stock in what people say about personal touch having something to do with healthy development. Some part of me feels wrong or lacking because I'm not in a continual state of hugging bliss. That sounds creepy. I don't mean it to be creepy. I just mean to convey how much I love hugs and how much they are really missed.
Something else I've realized super clearly in the last few weeks...I need to have children. It's a fact. I love them far too much. I can't even imagine how I'll feel about one of my own. I don't know when or where or with whom, but it needs to happen eventually. Between the kids at school and the kids at church, I can't even think about leaving them and moving on right now. I know I'll have to eventually, but it's going to tear my heart out. The ones from church have really started talking to me more and sharing more, and it doesn't hurt that they're adorable and fun to play with. There's one little girl who speaks close to zero English, but she is the most precious thing and sits and listens to me every week. She answers my questions when Joseph translates for her, and she brings me treats. She told me English is the hardest thing for her to do (learn). I know, girl. I know. I'm working on my Korean. She's trying with English. We'll get there. In case you need proof that they are as cute as they come, here's a silly picture they took for me after church last week.
The kids at school also had their big test for the semester this past week. So every term when they finish, we have a movie for them to watch until it's time to go home. Tuesday during the first block of students, I teach Cindy. Anyone I've talked to about school and the kids knows that I blab about her a lot. She is too cute and too much. She's also in 1st grade now which means she's around kids all day long, so she's even more social and talkative than she used to be. I was sitting in a chair in our auditorium with the kids watching Rio. She came in and sat at a desk close to me, and then she moved her stuff and sat in the desk directly next to my chair. I had my hand sitting on the desk, and she took and held it for the whole entire movie. She just kept moving it around and playing with my fingers and refused to let go of it for almost an hour. I realize it sounds weird, but it was the sweetest thing. I feel like she's "mine" which also sounds a bit creepy, but I'm OK with that too. I'm truly grateful for the experience and the time and the joy that I get to spend with all the kids I'm teaching here. It's such a blessing, and they teach me just as much, or more, than what I teach them. I'm really looking forward to the time ahead, and all the lessons and stories that I have yet to experience. Thanks for reading through a whole post of me bragging on my kids. I feel like a proud mama.
